All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
