I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
