In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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