Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
