I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
