so explain again why im purple
no
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
