Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
