my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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