She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
