just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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