it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
