we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
