I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
