The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
