It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize