If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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