She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
