he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
