hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
