Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
