I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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