So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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