It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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