I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
