it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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