the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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