Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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