i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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