yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
