Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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