it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
