i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
