I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got inside last night via doggy door
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
