I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
