happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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