Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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