I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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