Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
