I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So squirting runs in the family.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
