I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
