i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
