I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
