He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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