I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
