i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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