At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I want her autograph on my taint
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
