Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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