Someone shit on the floor
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's blow job season.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
