I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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