Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
