he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
