She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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