I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
