i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
