I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When are your genitals available?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
