i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
oh god was she eating orange peels again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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