Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
