What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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