Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
