its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
