The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
