GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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