It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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