I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
