We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
