how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
