My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
