Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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