Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
