i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
