you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
