things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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