all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
