I love having hate sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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