he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
