Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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