There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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