life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
A+ Viking dick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
