i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
