help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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